I'll Forever be with You
by Mystical Ace
Summary: You've heard this so many times, live every day as if it's your last. However, you never actually believe it's going to be. You always think that you'll have more time. That's what he thought, and he was wrong. Nothing would ever be the same.
1. Chapter 1

**I'll Forever Be With You**

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_**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gakuen Alice (not in a million years, even if I wish very hard on a shooting star)_

_-sighs-_

* * *

The methodical chugging of the train as it entered a tunnel, everything dimming suddenly, and the lights flickering on one by one.

The weight of his bag against his shoulder.

The girl next to him, hand clutching the pole nervously.

The feeling of her warmth pressed against him.

Her smile.

Her laugh.

And then suddenly, a metallic screech cut through the air, like a knife slicing through butter. There was a slow shudder and in that moment, everything he had ever known was shattered.

Life for Natsume was never the same again.

* * *

Natsume opened his eyes and for a moment, everything was blurry. After a moment, his vision cleared to reveal a white ceiling.

Something felt very wrong.

There was a continuous beeping beside him and that added to the immense headache that put him in a foul mood.

_Exactly what had happened? _

"Natsume?" a high voice cut in and a head suddenly appeared above him, blocking his wonderful view of the white ceiling. It was a young girl with short black hair framing her porcelain face. Her scarlet eyes filled with tears at the sight of him and her hands flew to her mouth. "Natsume, you're alright, I-I, I have to go call mum."

She stumbled out of the room leaving Natsume to wonder who she was. She triggered something deep back in his mind, but the fog there was too heavy and Natsume couldn't grasp exactly who she was. His head hurt and his mind was a jumble. Closing his eyes, Natsume raised a hand to his forehead, pushing up his hair, and blocked out the irritating beeping.

_Concentrate. Who is she?_

_Red eyes. _

_Black hair. _

_Girl. _

_Young. _

_Aoi. _

"Natsume!"

It was another voice, familiar, but again, Natsume couldn't grasp whose it was. Twisting his head, he saw another woman with the same black hair and red eyes. Half her hair was slipping out of loose ponytail it was in and her red eyes were filled with unmistakable motherly concern.

_Motherly. _

As she bent over Natsume, he noticed the bags under her eyes and the exhaustion that aged her face.

"Natsume, oh Natsume," she cried and Aoi placed her hands on the woman's shoulders in support. Seeing those two together, something tugged at Natsume's mind and all of a sudden, he realised that the woman in front of him was his mother.

"Mum," he croaked, his throat incredibly dry. Hearing his voice, her eyes widened and she clasped his hand in hers. Placing her forehead on his hand, she let out a sob.

_Am I really that saddening to see?_

Natsume flickered his eyes up to Aoi whose expression mirrored his mother's. There were so many questions swirling around Natsume's mind and they needed answers, immediately. However, before he could ask, a doctor in a white coat strode in, a sense of authority surrounding him. Grabbing a pen, the man stood in front of Natsume's bed with a clipboard in his hand. He smiled, the edges of his eyes crinkling.

"How are you feeling Hyuuga-kun?" the doctor asked pleasantly.

It didn't take much thought to answer that question. "Like shit."

The doctor looked a little taken back by Natsume's curt answer and Natsume, being Natsume, couldn't help but feel a sense of satisfaction.

"I see, but exactly how do you feel…bad?" the doctor said, regaining his composure, and propped up his glasses.

"I have a headache, my throat is as dry as hell, and I feel like as if someone has trashed my brain"

The doctor's eyes seemed to widen at the word 'brain' and he quickly scribbled down something on the clipboard.

"Does your mind feel hazy, some memories you can't quite remember?" the doctor asked and Natsume eyed the man warily before nodding slowly.

"Doctor, is he going to be all right? Will he regain his memories?" His mother looked desperate and it stung Natsume's heart to see her so distressed.

"It'll be fine, madam. His condition is just as we predicted," the doctor said and Natsume couldn't help but wonder why they wouldn't give him a glass of water if they had predicted he would have a dry throat. "The memory loss is only short term, most probably caused by shock and a small head injury. His memories will fully return in the next few days."

Natsume watched his mother relax visibly and the worried expression lessened a little on Aoi's face. He didn't like seeing them so distressed, they were the only two women who mattered to him in his life after all.

_Two?_

"Well, everything is fine and Hyuuga-kun seems to have no apparent injuries other than a few scrapes here and there. After a last check-up, he will be able to leave this week," the doctor finished off and after asking if there were any questions, he left and the trail of nurses followed him like sheep following their shepherd.

"Hey Natsume, what _do _you remember?" Aoi asked tentatively and her mother and her exchanged looks.

"Can I have a glass of water before that?" Natsume snapped although he regretted it immediately. Aoi jumped up and quickly scurried away to fill a cup with water. She returned after a moment and handed him the water. The water helped clear his mind and the blurriness of everything seemed to have disappeared.

"Well, for starters, I know who you two are," Natsume began and placed the empty glass of water on the table beside him. "And basically everything else."

"But the doctor said you would need a few days," Aoi pointed out. Natsume just smirked.

"Well, it seems that I'm a special case," he drawled. Aoi sighed and rubbed her temples, but he could see she was relieved that his normal self was back. But then, the look disappeared and she looked up, her eyes solemn.

"Should I ask him?" Aoi asked her mother who didn't say anything and just looked sadly at him.

"Ask me what?" Natsume asked, slightly disgruntled by the glances his sister and mother were sharing constantly.

"About Mikan-chan."

The name tugged something inside of him, however Natsume couldn't grasp what it was, the blurriness seemed to have reappeared.

_Mikan. _

The name was so familiar, so close yet so far. It was like every time Natsume reached out to grasp it, it would disappear.

Like jelly.

_What a stupid analogy. _

"Natsume?" his mother's worried voice cut in and Natsume quickly wiped the frown from his face.

"What about Mikan?" he asked smoothly, hoping it would mislead them into thinking that he remembered her, however they didn't look convinced and they exchanged yet _another _glance.

With a weary smile, his mother shook her head and said, "It's nothing."

…

It was one week later and Natsume was on his bed in his room, flipping through one of his favourite manga. He had learnt that he was on the way home on a train and there had been a freak accident where another train drove onto the wrong tracks and collided with the train he was on. Mostly everyone in the first few carriages had died instantly, however, those in the middle and back carriages were more fortunate. He heard that he was one of the lucky ones who survived.

However, knowing what had happened to him didn't get rid of the hollow and empty feeling inside of him.

There definitely was something missing.

Did it have to do with the _Mikan-chan _Aoi mentioned?

Natsume sighed and closed his eyes.

He would find out what was missing. He would find out _tomorrow. _

…

After saying a hurried bye to Ruka, Natsume returned to his classroom to pick up his bag. Glancing at the window, he watched the students filing out the school, smiles on every face to be relieved of the boring lectures of professors.

However, Natsume didn't feel like leaving, not yet.

Propping his feet onto his desk, he closed his eyes and let the afternoon breeze trickle in and blow a few strands of hair over his red eyes.

"Mikan," Natsume tested and suddenly, he could see the vague outline of a girl and the warm sound of her laughter.

_Auditory hallucinations?_

Shaking his head at the thought, Natsume glanced at the empty desk beside him and reached out to trail a hand over the table.

Someone had been there.

It hadn't always been an empty seat.

Someone important had been there.

Closing his eyes again, Natsume saw a girl at the back of his eyelids. A small fragile girl, so warm and kind.

"_Natsume, what are you doing?" she laughed and held out a small hand. "Worrying over such trivial matters isn't like you." _

_Natsume looked up and saw her chestnut brown hair falling forwards as she leaned down to help him up, her brown eyes the colour of melted syrup. _

And then suddenly, everything came crashing back to him.

_She was waiting by the gates as Natsume strode over to her, his bag slung casually over one shoulder, the way he always carried his bag. She turned her head to see him and a smile began to make its way to her lips, however she quickly stopped it and placed her hands on her hips, an action that made Natsume suddenly feel a strong wave of affection for her. _

"_Yo, Polka Dots," he drawled, hoping to annoy her, and he got the satisfaction. _

"_You're late, and don't call me that name," she said angrily, and tried to frown, but it was something that disappeared the moment Natsume placed a hand on her head and ruffled her hair. _

"_The club ran late," he said before checking his watch. "We'll have to hurry otherwise we'll miss our train." _

"_If we do, it's all your fault." _

"_Yes, yes." _

_Natsume sprinted up the stairs, making sure that she wasn't too far behind. He could see the train and the doors were beginning to close. He grabbed Mikan's arm and yanked her through the doors just before the doors closed. _

"_W-We made it," she gasped in between pants and laughed, a sound that made Natsume warm all over. She then collapsed against the wall and let her bag drop to the floor. _

"_You look like you're dying," Natsume commented dryly and she looked up at him, still panting. _

"_How come you don't look like you're dying?" _

"That _is because I'm a soccer player, unlike you," he replied smugly and looked ahead. _

_She sighed and stood up, dusting her skirt. _

_The doors opened just as he moved her next to a wall so she wouldn't get squished. Students, businessmen, people flooded in. They pressed up against Natsume and he had to bite back from telling them move. He didn't like people touching him and it was especially annoying at school because all the girls seemed to want to press themselves close to him. _

_All girls except for her. _

_He looked down beside him to see her looking up at him worriedly. _

"_What?" he grunted. _

"_I can trade places with you, I know you don't like…physical contact with others." _

Everyone except for you, _Natsume thought, however, he was disgusted by that thought. They were childhood friends, nothing more. _

_"I'm fine."_

_Mikan still didn't look convinced. "Are you sure?"_

"_You're being annoying, go away." _

_She laughed softly and quickly grabbed the railing as the train lurched to one side. Someone wasn't so smart and fell onto Natsume, causing him to lose his balance. Slamming a hand against the wall to steady himself, he looked down and suddenly found himself standing with his head bent over Mikan, less than a few centimetres between them. She looked up at him, just as surprised as he was, her eyes wide. _

_He was so close to her that he could feel her heat and all he could hear was the pounding sound of his heart. This was stupid, he had never felt this before, so why now? And why to a girl he had known all his life? _

_Mumbling a quick sorry, Natsume stepped away and put on his impassive stoic mask. He made sure he didn't let a single emotion slip from that mask. _

"_I-It's all right," Mikan said with a blush on her cheeks before darting her eyes down to her feet. After a while, he turned his head to look at her, making no effort to disguise my attention, unlike at school, although he'd been told he made it obvious there too. Her face was illuminated every so often by the passing lights in the tunnel, giving her a ghostly appearance. The shadows made her face either black or white, so Natsume couldn't see much, however, her eyes were the same. _

_Her eyes were a liquid brown, the colour of melted syrup, and the lights danced in them. They seemed so full of life, so unafraid. _

_And those eyes were the last thing he saw before there was a sudden metallic screeching and a huge shudder. _

_Then there was chaos, and he lost her. She slid away from him in that instant, swallowed by the crowd of people.  
"Mikan!" Natsume yelled, frantically scanning his eyes for the girl, but he couldn't see her amongst the throng of madly pushing and screaming people. He was vaguely aware of a dull throbbing pain on the side of his head where he had hit the door, but he couldn't care less about that now. _

_And then, something hit him, hard. Sliding down to the ground, Natsume felt darkness blur the edges of his vision before completely taking over his mind._

_Mikan. _

Natsume snapped open his eyes to find himself out of breath. Sitting up abruptly, he glanced at the desk beside him. "Mikan," he whispered and stumbled to his feet.

Pieces were coming together.

The train incident.

His mother and Aoi's expressions when they talked about Mikan.

Her disappearance.

The sense of emptiness and hollowness.

And then, Natsume understood. He understood that she was gone.

_Gone. _

Gripping the chair, Natsume felt his hands shake. The little girl who he had grown up with, the girl who he had fell in love with during his second year at middle school, the girl who had always been by his side, the girl who was his light, the girl who was now gone.

Natsume shook his head, unable to accept the fact.

He still had so much to do with her. He still had to wait outside her house impatiently, waiting for her to finish eating and hit her head because she had overslept. He still had to sigh when she made her puppy eyes at him to visit the pet shop on the way home and reluctantly go with her, although he liked seeing her face when she saw the animals.

And…he hadn't told her his feelings yet.

The feelings which Natsume had never planned on telling. But now, he truly realised how empty life was without her.

If she ever came back to him, he would never let her ago again.

_If. _

Suddenly, Natsume felt her. Her presence, although faint, he could sense her nearby. He couldn't explain this feeling, but it felt like as if she wanted him to come.

He tore through the corridors, corners, stairs and finally, he arrived at the bottom of the building, the grassy area where the Sakura tree stood. The tree seemed to glow in the darkening sky, its petals drifting to the ground as a breeze swept by and standing beside the tree, was Mikan. She had her back facing him, the wind loosening her hair from the pigtails she normally had it in. Her hair fell down just past her shoulder blades, curling at the ends. The edges of her body had an ethereal glow and the gentle wind blew her clean scent to him.

She was so beautiful.

She was watching the sun paint the sky orange and red as it descended when Natsume stopped a few steps behind her.

"Mika–"

"Don't you think it's beautiful?"

Natsume flinched at her voice. She sounded so…normal, when everything was the last thing from that. Mikan turned around and smiled although her eyes were sad. She looked exactly the same, but Natsume could tell that she wasn't. Mikan looked up at the tree and placed a hand on its trunk.

"I'm going to miss this place," she said softly. "I remember those times when I would come here to look for you, and you would always be on the third branch, sleeping with a manga on your face." She laughed before tilting her head to face Natsume. He opened his mouth, however shut it again. He didn't know how to word it. He didn't know what to say.

_I love you. _

He heard the laughter of Mikan that sounded like bells, and he looked up to see her standing right next to him with her shoulder on his head. He couldn't help but notice how perfect her head fitted into his shoulder.

"You're so awkward Natsume," she joked before her expression turned serious again. "I do too Natsume."

"What are you talking about?" Natsume said, but he already knew.

"I love you too, Natsume," she said and leaned up, capturing his mouth.

Natsume had been kissed before by fan girls who had thrown themselves onto him, but he had always felt repulsed.

_This _did not feel repulsing.

Natsume closed his eyes and cupped the back of her head. He could feel her hair in his hand, so soft and so…Mikan. When he opened his eyes, he saw tears in her eyes as she leaned back.

"I'm not crying," she mumbled and another sob escape her.

_Stupid girl. Stupid girl that I love. _

Natsume placed his arm around her, as if shielding her from what they both knew was coming, but he knew it was futile. She sobbed quietly with her face in his chest and he didn't say anything, but he stood there, and that was enough for her.

"Hey, were you scared?" Natsume began and she looked up at him, confused.

"What do you mean?"

"On that train, were you scared? I remember how when your father…passed away, you came to me that night and cried. You told me that you didn't want to die in a cold dark place like your father did."

I looked down at her and wiped a tear away from her eye. It was the second time I had seen her cry in my life. The first was when her father died.

"You still remember," Mikan breathed before a smile graced her lips. "I wasn't scared, to be honest, I was actually kind of happy." She laughed at Natsume's expression before continuing. "You called my name, don't deny it, I heard it. You normally never call me by my name, you either don't use it or call me those absurd nicknames you make up."

"And those came from the panties which you showed me," Natsume pointed out and she glared at him before mock punching him in the shoulder.

"Idiot," she muttered.

"No, _you're _the idiot, _I'm _the genius."

"Then that means that we're a pairing that will last forever."

Natsume was a bit taken back by her words.

"We will last forever, right?" Mikan asked, a little unsure now.

"Of course," Natsume muttered in a low voice and absentmindedly took her hair in his hand and let it trail down his fingers.

"B-But that doesn't mean I don't want you to find another person you love and create a family, what I meant was just–"

Natsume cut her off by flicking her forehead without the usual force. He didn't want her disappearing now.

"No one will replace you," he said huskily and her eyes softened.

"Then promise me that you'll be happy and then I'll rest assured because I know you never break promises."

Natsume paused for a moment before giving a small nod. "I promise."

Mikan smiled. "I have to go now, now that I've said what I want," she said softly and trailed a hand down Natsume's face.

Her touch sent shivers down his spine, in a good way.

And then he noticed that her hand was a little see-through. His eyes darted back to her and he was horrified to find that he could see the Sakura tree behind her.

She was disappearing and suddenly, the hollowness became unbearable.

"No, don't go," he said. Mikan didn't say anything, she just took his hand and placed it on his heart.

He could feel it pounding at her touch.

"Do you feel it?" she asked, but it was not a question that needed an answer. "I'll be here. I'll forever be with you, as long as you live."

And those were her last words which became his new light.

His reason for living.

But Natsume couldn't help but feel a tear trail down his cheek and onto the ground where Mikan had been standing just a moment ago.

"I'll forever be with you."

Those words, they were so much like her.

But nothing could ever be the same again.

* * *

Mystical Ace

-6th March 2013


	2. Chapter 2

**Sumire, Natsume and Mikan**

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_Disclaimer: Of course I don't own Gakuen Alice :')_

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You idly wrap a strand of your dark hair around your finger as you watch Natsume saunter down the corridor with one hand in his pocket and the other holding the bag that is slung over his shoulder. He shrugs off the girls who try to latch themselves to him and barely even nods in acknowledgement when Ruka comes up to him and pats him on the back. You catch a glimpse of his eyes and you see pain laced in those crimson orbs.

Seeing him like that makes your heart clench.

He has been like that ever since _she _died.

No, you correct yourself, _everyone_ has been like that.

Her death was so sudden that no one knew what to do, but one thing was that was sure was that everyone had taken full blow at her death. She was such an airhead and idiot, but her presence brought nothing but smiles and laughter. It was too sudden.

And you hate how you have to use past tense to talk about her.

Her death wasn't like those deaths where everyone said their last goodbyes and had last hugs and kisses, it was one of those deaths where it felt like as if something had been wrenched out of you forcefully, leaving a wound that will heal with a scar.

"Sumire-chan?" Nonoko calls and you flinch at the name. Everyone has stopped calling you 'Permy'. It was a ridiculous nickname, but somehow, it had stuck. And what's worse is that you know exactly why everyone has stopped using the nickname. It is because Mikan was the one who had been the first to call her that.

"Hm?" you answer absentmindedly as you watch Natsume turn around a corner, his lean and lanky figure making your heart beat just a little faster. You can see the vague suggestion of abs under the white shirt he is wearing. And you curse yourself for thinking about such a trivial matter right now.

"Wah, you're going to walk into the wall," Nonoko squeals and quickly grabs your arm and steers you away from the wall. Flashing her a weary grin, you nod her a thanks and continue walking. There was an awkward silence, but you didn't know what to say.

Awkward silences seems to take up most of your conversations ever since Mikan…died.

"Um, I'll be going now, my classroom's here," Nonoko says and quickly runs off, as if escaping from you. Sighing, you stop walking and rub your temples gingerly.

It seemed that you weren't taking Mikan's death too well either.

You turn into a classroom and sit down at your usual seat, the seat exactly three away from Natsume's. He is already there with his feet propped up on the table and a manga over his face.

Nothing will ever be the same and as the lesson begins, you find yourself wondering what would have taken place if Mikan were still alive.

Mikan would have taken her usual seat next to Natsume and his eyes would soften at the sight of her and you would pretend your heart didn't tighten when you saw him do that. The lesson would begin and Natsume would pretend he wasn't looking at the girl even though he made it obvious, however, being Mikan, Mikan didn't notice.

Jinno-sensei would hand out problem sheets and Mikan wouldn't get the questions and Natsume would grudgingly help her, although you knew that he knew how he liked being near Mikan, the way he liked to touch her, as if he needed to make sure she was still there. It wasn't the touch in the lovers kind of way, but just the casual hand on her shoulder or his arm bumping into hers.

Then, Jinno-sensei would pick on Mikan because she was bad at Maths and Natsume would throw balls of paper with the answer written on them to her and then she would still accidentally say the wrong number and score herself a detention.

Then, Maths class would end with a detention and Natsume would always wait outside for her. You would duck around the corner and watch him from afar. You would admire just how beautiful he is leaned against the windowsill and feel a wave of hopelessness wash over you when you saw the way a half-smile played on his lips when Mikan came out.

It was the smile, the demented smile, as Mikan would describe it, that Natsume only showed to one person.

And it was her, your best friend, Mikan.

You would then watch him make a snide comment about Jinno and she would laugh, a sound you loved yet hated so much. Then, they would make their way to the cafeteria to join with Ruka and Hotaru. You hated the way Natsume would automatically take his place next to Mikan after collecting his food and she would look up and smile at him. It was as if it was the most natural thing.

It just reminded you of how although you were all friends, you would never have the bond that she shared with him.

Then, you would endure another few lessons with the two, watching them work together on problems and Natsume flicking her forehead when she got questions wrong, a gesture that you so wished he would do to you. No, that was too much, you wished for a much simpler thing.

For him to look at you.

Just one glance, but he never did, and never will.

However, that was what would have happened on another ordinary day if Mikan had lived.

Which she didn't.

So you escape into the past.

You remember those times when boys older than her teased her. Mikan had thought it was bullying, however you had thought otherwise.

You were sure that it was because they liked her and that thought made your heart wrench with jealousy. You knew it was horrible of you to be jealous of your best friend, and you tried to suppress that horrible feeling, but sometimes, just sometimes, it would escape out of her grasp and burst to the surface.

The boys would sometimes tug her hair or swipe her homework off of her desk so that she would have to spend a painstaking ten minutes gathering all the sheets didn't know any of this and the boys were always careful to play these pranks on Mikan when he wasn't around, as everyone knew what would happen to them if Natsume found out. However, there was one time when the boys insulted her father and you were with her at that time.

They probably didn't mean any harm, as knowledge about her father was limited to within only a few people, but the harm had been done. Mikan's eyes widened and her face turned red, not the red from embarrassment, but the red just before she cries.

It was strange, because you could tell she was going to cry, however, before you could tell them to leave her alone, a dark blur whipped past you and one of the older boys jerked back, as if he'd been punched.

And then you realised that he had been punched, by a furious Natsume. It was the first time you had seen him so furious. The closest you had seen him to being angry was when he was in a foul mood.

You thought he was scary then, but that was nothing compared to what you witnessed now.

His red eyes were blazing red with fury and his expression so dark. Malice poured from him and never had you thought he looked so frightening. It was obvious he was holding his anger in check by the clench of his fist and jaw. Natsume landed another punch on the guy's cheek before they got the message and scrambled away, begging for forgiveness as they ran. He then pulled Mikan to him in one smooth and gentle sweep of his arm and placed her head on his shoulder where her tears stained his white shirt.

You saw that if you stayed, you would just be a burden, so you left, however, you couldn't help but cast one last glance back at the two and your heart skipped a beat.

Natsume stood with his head bent over Mikan, murmuring words into her ear in a low voice. Mikan nodded meekly and buried herself further into his shirt, her small frame shaking with her sobs.

You had never seen anything so beautiful and it hurt so much to see that you weren't the girl with Natsume's arms around you.

Sometimes, you wondered why he chose her over you. Why he chose Mikan over _everyone_. You really did wonder sometimes why he didn't choose you. You were beautiful and was one of the most popular girls in the school.

However, deep inside, you knew the answer.

Mikan was everything you weren't. She wasn't the stunning kind of beautiful, but more of the natural kind. Her loud voice in the morning brought everyone's spirits up and somehow, she had the knack of making a person laugh no matter how low in spirits they had been before.

She was a girl loved by everyone.

And you could understand why Natsume would like her, but still, the reality pained you greatly.

"Shouda-san," a gruff voice called, jerking you back to reality.

"Y-Yes?" you answer, hoping that you sounded like you were paying attention. You couldn't daze off like this in class, you knew you couldn't loose yourself in the past nor in the future.

But you couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if Mikan had lived. Not in the near future, but in the future future.

You think that they would have married and had a baby boy and girl. They would have been one of those perfect families you saw only in dramas.

It would have been a fairytale ending, if only she was still alive.

If only.

You sit down when the teacher dismisses you and you find yourself looking Natsume's way. His expression was guarded and his eyes unreadable.

You don't like him this way, you like it better when Mikan was still here, his expression had been less ferocious, gentler.

Suddenly, you feel a tap on your shoulder and you flicker your eyes to your right to see Anna leaning over to whisper something you your ear.

"Do you want to stop by my house after school with the rest off our group? You know, our group has been kind of apart these days, I just thought it would do us some good to get together. I-Is it a bad idea?" She looked so disappointed that you quickly reassured her and confirmed that you were going to go.

However, it was a bad idea. Somehow, they had convinced Natsume to come too, and now, he was standing a little apart from the crowd with his arms crossed and his expression the same as usual. You couldn't face him, not after what you had felt when your mother had told you that Mikan had died.

You had felt hope, hope that maybe, just maybe, Natsume could look at you for once. Look at you and _feel_ something. He had never battered an eyelid at you when Mikan was with him and now that she was gone, you thought maybe.

_Maybe. _

But then you remembered the way Natsume never even glanced at the beautiful girls around him, and had rejected all confessions, no matter how pretty and charming they were.

His eyes were set on Mikan, and you realised that you couldn't win. You couldn't win then and you couldn't win now.

Nothing had changed since back then. And with that realisation, you stopped looking at him longingly or admiring his features when he couldn't see you.

But the fact that you had felt hope still hadn't changed. And that feeling would haunt you forever.

"Hey hey, let's play truth or dare! I remember how we used to play that at Koko's house!" Anna pipes, snapping you back again. You bite your lip, you seem to be drifting away a lot these days. You settle down next to Nonoko and wait for the pen to stop spinning. It lands on Koko and you hear Anna ask him a shy question with a giggle.

You don't hear what the question is and you don't bother listening to the answer. You are going to escape to the past, just one more time. And then you'll stop, you'll stop for good. You promise yourself that.

You remember the time when they did exactly as Anna has said; when they were little, they had gone to Koko's house and stayed up all night telling ghost stories, shining the torchlight on their faces to make themselves seem scarier. Mikan, being the scardey-cat, had always brought a pillow with her and hugged it whenever stories got the slightest bit scarier. Whenever she cried for them to stop, you always caught Natsume looking at her, his expression pensive, and then he would grab the torch from Mochu and snap it shut. He would say that it was because he was going to sleep, but you knew better.

You knew that it was because of Mikan, and that made the jealousy throb in your coursed through you, like a disease, making you hate her.

Yet you loved her too.

"Sumire, Sumire!"

You feel someone shaking you, wrenching you back to the dark room that their group was huddled in. It felt like the hundredth time you had been called back to reality.

"I'm sorry, what were you saying?" you say quickly and scan the expression on everyone's faces.

It was mainly a worry you saw.

"What?" you snap, slightly annoyed. You didn't like others looking at you like that.

"Are you all right Sumire-chan?" Nonoko asked tentatively. Sighing, you get up, your mind set.

"I will be all right when I talk to Natsume, alone."

They look surprised, but then a knowing look passes along them, a knowing look laced with disappointment.

They knew you were going to tell Natsume you feelings, properly, but they probably thought you were going to tell him now because Mikan was gone. That was what you had thought a while ago, but you were different now. You were going to tell him and then end it all, end your alternating trips into the future and past, end your obsession with him.

End everything to do with him and start anew.

You walk out of the room, clenching your hands so you do not decide that what you are going to do is a bad idea. He joins you in after a while outside and you two stand silently for a while. Then, you open your mouth and the words stream out.

Your head is clear and you know exactly why you are saying this, knowing that you will be rejected. He listens to you silently, and then when you stop rambling, he takes a breath and says his final verdict.

"I'm sorry."

You feel tears in your eyes, but it is strange as you don't feel sad. You had known it all along, but your pride hadn't let you accept it.

The simple fact that for Mikan, it has to be Natsume, and for Natsume, it has to be Mikan.

Nothing's changed since back then and nothing will.

And that's why you are going to end it, end it for good.

* * *

That's it!

:')

March 6th 2013

(Also, for readers of my other stories, I'm very sorry, but I'm trying to work on them while juggling assignments! I am very sorry for my hiatus and I will do my best to update T-T)


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